'Living in Reality, Free and Fearless...'

Dear Parish Faithful,

GREAT LENT: The Tenth Day

"We condemn others only because we shun knowing ourselves."  ~ St. Seraphim of Sarov

In his new book, How to Be a Sinner, the Orthodox theologian, Dr. Peter Bouteneff, reflects on this joyful paradox: If we acknowledge that we are sinners; and if we repent and confess our sins, this is all a movement of freedom and liberation. This is so because such acknowledgement, accompanied by repentance and confession, is the path to salvation, and that means the reception of God's mercy, grace and love. And there is nothing sentimental about any of this, because we were "bought with a price" (I COR. 6:20) when the Son of Man came "to give his life as a ransom for many." (MK. 10:45).

The alternative is not attractive:

"Many of us spend a lot of our time and energy avoiding genuine self-discovery. We take refuge in the world's abundant noise, distractions, and mediocrity because even a glimpse of our sins can be horribly unpleasant." (p.42) 

Dr. Bouteneff outlines five "benefits" that flow naturally from this self-knowledge. Below, I am offering a few of his insights under the heading of these five "benefits." Hopefully, they will further help us along the path toward God through self-knowledge of our sins, repentance and confession.

1. Perception of Reality

 

• "We cannot see things as they are if we do not see ourselves as we are." (p. 43)
• "To propose that I am sinless is essentially a guaranteed falsehood, a denial of reality, even in a relativistic and "post-factual" culture. (p. 44)
• "To the extent that we are also true to reality, we have a clearer relationship with ourselves, others, and God." (p. 44)

2. Freedom

 

• "The liberation of our conscience, through admitting our sins, is linked to a kind of surrender." (p. 46)
• "The freest, least self-conscious people are usually those who know full well that they are broken, that they are sinners, and that they depend on a higher power for their very life." (. 47)
• "Self-knowledge and surrender to God's immeasurable love and strength don't turn you into a church mouse. Quite the opposite; you become fully alive, sure-footed and truly free." (P. 47)

3. Assurance

 

• "Once we perceive and acknowledge our faults and surrender them to God, we have the deepened assurance of being loved and forgiven." (p. 47-48)
• "Living with and living into another's total love - especially God's - is painfully humbling. Strangely, we may prefer the feeling of being hated to the exposed... feeling of being totally loved." (p.48)
• "Whether people treat me like gold or dirt, I will always recall that I am known and loved, and that my life is taken up into the living God." (p. 48-49)

4. Non-Judgment

 

• "We are supposed to be entirely occupied with our own sin, to the extent that we rightly condemn ourselves." (p.50)
• "But condemning others as unworthy of God's salvation is wrong."
• "There is thus an inextricable connection between knowing one's one faults and the refusal or even inability to judge another person." (p. 51)

5. Compassion

 

• "Our deepening realization of our own sin coupled with our increasing experience of God's mercy will fill us with compassion for others." (p. 52)
• "We will not pretend to know or fully understand the intricacies of the internal and external factors of their heart." (P. 52)
• "We will fervently wish for them nothing but God's grace, blessing, and love. We will pray that they come to a conscious knowledge of that love," (p. 52)

Dr. Bouteneff closes this section with an encouraging yet sober note:

"Living in reality, free and fearless, judging no one, with true compassion towards all, even as you work toward the correction of your life - these are the repercussions of a healthy knowledge of yourself, realistically acknowledging your sins and your total dependency on our loving God. These are gifts which may give you an inkling of why it might be worth embarking on the journey to seeing yourself as a sinner." (p. 52-53)

Dr. Bouteneff's approach, as these few insights will hopefully make clear, is very holistic, a genuine characteristic of good Orthodox theology. As we are in Great Lent, the season in which we confess our own sins in and through the Sacrament of Confession, I hope that some of the insights above will deepen that experience - and deepen our sense of the grace and love of God.


For those who would like to order and read this book, here is the link to SVS Press:
https://www.svspress.com/how-to-be-a-sinner/

Bored By Sin

Dear Parish Faithful,

Today is the Feast of the Meeting of the Lord. And we just completed a wonderful Liturgy with many worshipers present.

However, February 2 is also Groundhog Day. Not a "feast day" on my calendar, I can assure you. Yet, Groundhog Day brings to my mind a film by the very same title, i.e. "Groundhog Day."

I know that many people have seen this film, but I wonder how many realize just how "theological" of a film it actually is, though under the cover of being a romantic comedy. That theological dimension is what struck me probably after more than one viewing.

Some time ago, I wrote a film review of "Groundhog Day" and titled the review "Bored By Sin," which I thought was one of the major themes of the film. Many of you have probably read this review in the past; and it is one of the meditations included in my new book. Yet, for those who have not read it before; or for those who may want to revisit it, I have included it here below. If you have actually seen "Groundhog Day" and would like to share your own comments or understanding of the film, please feel free to do so in the comments panel below. I can assure you that I would be glad to hear back from you.

Fr. Steven

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'Bored By Sin'

Archpriest Steven C. Kostoff

Perhaps some of you recall the film "Groundhog Day" that goes back to 1991. If not quite a "cult classic" (it was too mainstream for that), it was immensely popular and was subject to multiple viewings and an endless flow of commentary and interpretation. The lead role seemed to be a perfect fit for precisely Bill Murray's type of deadpan and highly ironic sense of humor.

Having enjoyed the film myself, and having seen it a few times, I suggested "Groundhog Day" for our latest Feature Film Festival for the parish, based on some of the themes that I will expand on below. When we watched the film together I believe that it was thoroughly enjoyed by one and all. There was certainly a great deal of laughter!

Yet, the purpose of our watching films together, beyond the social significance of "getting together" as a group, is to find those films that are morally and ethically probing, in addition to their "entertainment value." Movies and movie-going dominates our popular culture, so trying to deepen that experience a bit strikes me as a sound idea. In other words, we try and choose films that will make everyone think. That is the purpose of our post-film discussions.

So why choose a film such as "Groundhog Day," a film described as "zany" and "wacky?" 

Now, there is no doubt that "Groundhog Day" plays as a very effective and highly entertaining romantic comedy. However, this is deceptive for there are layers of meaning underneath that rather well-worn and rather predictable genre. 

How many people are aware of the fact that at least for a few years after its release, "Groundhog Day" was subject to a great deal of philosophical and even theological commentary and interpretation? I recall reading many insightful reviews of this film in some very "high brow" journals. What makes all of that even more intriguing is that the director, Harold Ramis, claims that all of that went beyond his intention in making the film. The creative process can be mysterious.

"Groundhog Day" is essentially a romantic comedy with a real twist. It charts the life of a rather cynical and ambitious Pittsburgh weatherman, Phil Connors, played perfectly by Bill Murray. His self-absorption and unapologetic egoism are of gargantuan proportions. His charm is manipulative and self-serving. As the center of the universe, apparently everyone and everything around him is meant to satisfy his needs and desires. As he admits later in the film, he is a "real jerk." Phil the weatherman is sent to Punxsutawney, PA, in order to cover the groundhog day festivities there. In his mind, it promises to be a boring excursion into small town existence. At one point, he contemptuously calls the local population "hicks." He is accompanied by his TV station's producer, Rita, and cameraman Larry. Obviously, Phil does not want to be there, and can't leave soon enough once his responsibilities are fulfilled. However, a blizzard that he failed to predict, sends him back to the small town for at least one more night. When confronted with the blizzard, he angrily shouts back to the highway patrolman: "I make the weather!" But even he is forced to succumb to the power of nature and back to town he goes.

Yet, Phil wakes up the "next day" only to discover that it is February 2 and groundhog day all over again - exactly, down to every detail. He is now trapped in an inexplicable "time warp" that forces him to relive the same day over and over again, apparently without end - into eternity itself. It is the myth of the "eternal return" but on a daily basis in small town Punxsutawney! It is a living nightmare. The film wisely makes not even the slightest attempt at explaining this new reality. How could it? It simply is, and Phil is helplessly caught in it alone, for the same people that he meets are unaware of his predicament. They remain as static and unchanging as the surrounding environment. 

At first bewildered and frightened, Phil begins to make "adjustments" to his new situation. His "selfish gene" kicks into action. He soon realizes that his newly-achieved "immortality" means that his actions on one day have no consequences for there no longer exists a "tomorrow." There is no one or nothing to answer to. As it plays out in the film, it is something of a lighthearted version of Dostoevsky's aphorism, "if there is no God, then everything is permissible." Phil can now break any conceivable law - civic, social, moral, divine - with total impunity. He can now unleash his hidden passions with no restraint or "anticipatory anxiety." He can "eat, drink, and be merry" without the slightest cost to his well-being - or so it seems to him. The film exploits all of this to wonderful comic effect, and it is hard to dislike Phil in the process, "jerk" that he is. But perhaps our sympathy with Phil is grounded in the "fact" that he is living out some of our own uninspired fantasies. As in: what would you do if you won a billion dollar lottery? Or, what would you do or be like if there were no consequences to your actions?

One of the great insights of our spiritual tradition is that sin - beyond its moral, ethical and spiritually corrupting effect - is ultimately boring. Besides immediate satisfaction it remains a distortion of true life, and instead of yielding an enhanced sense of life - or "living life" as Dostoevsky would call it - sin devolves into an empty caricature of life. It is the negation of life. That is why spiritual death precedes biological death. Repetition is not a relief, but an increase of this intolerable boredom. The passions are insatiable. Sin is thus an existential vacuum that is suffocating in its long-term effects. Unconsciously, or perhaps intuitively, Phil begins to realize this after endless bouts of "wine, women and song." Daily dissipation has worn him out. He embodies the biblical "vanity of vanities." His moral universe is unaware of a "higher reality," so he looks elsewhere for relief.

Although consistently maintaining its comic touch, the film now steers us in a darker direction. Attaining a sort of pseudo-omniscience by being able to predict the daily events around him, and realizing that he cannot die, Phil begins to fancy himself a "god." Not "the God" as he admits, but a "god" nevertheless. There is nothing new left to experience so he turns to suicide. Life is boring, so he will now try death! Phil now explores the many "creative" ways in which a person can commit suicide - from driving trucks over steep cliffs, swan-diving off of tall buildings, or electrocuting himself in the bathtub. This can be interpreted as a grisly form of finding relief to the nightmare quality of having to live out the same day in isolation from a non-comprehending humanity; or the thoroughly desperate attempt to discover some more "kicks" in his morally meandering and meaningless existence.

But what actually "kicks in" at this point of the film is the slow transformation of Phil after he has bottomed-out in the manner described above. The film has a "moral," and I believe that it is effectively realized in a natural and unforced manner that is not merely sentimental or banal keeping in mind the genre and intent of this film. And again, with a lighthearted touch that probably increases its effectiveness. Remembering that this is a romantic comedy, the question becomes: will the guy - or how will the guy - get the girl in the end? Phil has resorted to endless subterfuge in order to seduce Rita the producer. Try as he might, this is the one thing he could not succeed at, regardless of his great advantage of knowing her "inside out" after living out an endless amount of days with her over and over, each one ending with a well-deserved slap to the face as Phil's real intentions become obvious. Rita is quite attractive, but more importantly she is a genuinely "good person" with a pure heart and honest intentions. Within his juvenile universe of a warped moral sensitivity Phil does not understand this.

Yet, something happens within Phil and he begins to radically change by no longer living for himself alone. He somehow breaks through his narcissistic and solipsistic one-person universe. (There is a key scene involving a death in which he realizes that he is not actually a "god"). He discovers the "other," and this discovery is transformative. He beings to live altruistically. In fact, the film can be seen on one level as the transformation of Phil Connors from a "jerk' into a genuine human being. And this will prove to be the way into the heart of Rita. Genuine virtue, as the great saints both taught and realized in their lives, is never boring as long as it does not lapse into formalism and/or moralism. It bears fruit a hundredfold when practiced with patience and the love of the "other" primarily in mind. It is the means of ascending up the ladder of divine ascent, as St. Klimakos demonstrated. Virtue is endlessly creative, since it extends and expands our humanity beyond the limits of the self. As Phil will discover, it is also the means of breaking through the meaningless "eternal return" that has taken him down into the inferno and back. But perhaps that is something that you may want to see for yourself.

"Groundhog Day" remains consistent from start to finish. The ending is satisfying and not simply anti-climatic. The screenplay is clever, sharp and humorous, and regardless of its intentions, or lack thereof, raises many genuinely "profound" issues that can be explored and expanded upon. I may have given away too much in my commentary, but I would still recommend it if you haven't seen it before. It is highly entertaining. When we think of such topics as sin, repentance and virtue, the film lends itself to a "Christian interpretation" that is not unduly forced, but rather flows naturally and instinctively from the predicament as conceived and presented. Such discoveries can be rewarding. All in all, a worthwhile film from a variety of perspectives.

Can't Get No Satisfaction... Thank God!

Dear Parish Faithful & Friends in Christ,

Relatively speaking, the meditation being presented here was written some time ago - Fall 2007.  I am quite sure that anyone who read it then has long forgotten it!  But for those who are new to the parish, and for those who are willing to give it another read, I thought that it would have a certain resonance since we will be chanting the Akathist Hymn "Glory to God For All Things" tomorrow evening as we acknowledge the Church New Year beginning on September 1.  I say that because there are certain thoughts expressed in the Hymn that led me to write this particular meditation.

* * *

Can't Get No Satisfaction... Thank God!

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." —Psalm 42:2

"I can't get no satisfaction" —The Rolling Stones

"We thank God for the gift of "blessed dissatisfaction!"

"I (Can't Get No) Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones must be considered one of the great all-time "classics" of the pop/rock music world. 

I remember it well from the Summer of 1965. With its driving guitar riff and raspy-voiced lyrics giving a kind of pop-articulation to the disaffection of the lonely and alienated urbanite who, try as he might, just cannot succeed at "satisfying" the material and romantic/sexual goals droned into his mind on the radio and TV; this song - regardless of its actual intentions - managed to say something enduring about the "human condition." (I wonder if the various members of the Rolling Stones ever experience any genuine satisfaction after many years of fame and fortune). 

Be that as it may, a rather odd connection came to me between this song and a verse from "The Akathist of Thanksgiving" that we will sing and chant for the Church New Year on September 1. In Ikos Six of the akathist, one of the verses in the refrain reads as follows:

Glory to You, Who have inspired in us dissatisfaction with earthly things.

Both the Stones' song and the Orthodox hymn speak of "no satisfaction" or "dissatisfaction." However by "earthly things," the author of this remarkable hymn, does not mean the natural world in which God has placed us. The refrain of Ikos Three makes that abundantly clear:

Glory to You, Who brought out of the earth's darkness diversity of color, taste and fragrance,
Glory to You, for the warmth and caress of all nature,
Glory to You, for surrounding us with thousands of Your creatures,
Glory to You, for the depth of Your wisdom reflected in the whole world ...

To the purified eyes of faith, the world around us can be a "festival of life" ... foreshadowing eternal life" (Ikos Two). The "earthly" can lead us to the "heavenly."

"Earthly things" in the context of the Akathist Hymn and the Orthodox worldview expressed in the Hymn, would certainly refer to the very things the Rolling Stones song laments about being absent - material and sexual satisfaction seen as ends in themselves. But whereas the song expresses both frustration and resentment as part of the psychic pain caused by such deprivation, the Akathist Hymn glorifies God for such a blessing! In the light of the insight of the Akathist Hymn, we can thus speak of a "blessed dissatisfaction." The Apostle Paul spoke of a closely-related "godly grief." (On this point, I would imagine that the Apostle Paul and Rolling Stones part company).

This just may prove to be quite a challenge to our way of approaching something like dissatisfaction.

Our usual instinct is to flee from dissatisfaction "as from the plague." Such a condition implies unhappiness, a sense of a lack of success, of "losing" in the harsh game of life as time continues to run out on us; and the deprivation and frustration mentioned above. 

Why should we tolerate the condition of dissatisfaction when limitless means of achieving "satisfaction" are at our disposal? To escape from a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, don't people resort to alcohol, drugs and sex as desperate forms of relief? Or unrestrained and massive consumer spending? And we should not eliminate "religion" as one of those means of escape. 

If those means fail, then there is always therapy and medication as more aggressive means to relieve us of this unendurable feeling. 

Sadly, many learn "the hard way," that every ill-conceived attempt to eliminate dissatisfaction through "earthly things" only leads to a further and deeper level of this unsatiable affliction. Sadder still, there are many who would "forfeit their soul/life" just to avoid the bitter taste of dissatisfaction!

If the living God exists as we believe that He does, then how could we not feel dissatisfaction at His absence from our lives? What could possibly fill the enormous space in the depth of our hearts that yearns for God "as a hart longs for flowing streams." (Ps. 42:1) 

It is as if when people "hear" the voice of God calling them - in their hearts, their conscience, through another person, a personal tragedy - they reach over and turn up the volume so as to drown out that call. 

If we were made for God, then each person has an "instinct for the transcendent" (I recall this term from Fr. Alexander Schmemann), that can only be suppressed at an incalculable cost to our very humanity. 

In His infinite mercy, the Lord "blesses" us with a feeling of dissatisfaction so that we do not foolishly lose our souls in the infinitesimal pseudo-satisfactions that come our way. Therefore, we thank God for the gift of "blessed dissatisfaction!"

When we realize that we "can't get no satisfaction," then we have approached the threshold of making a meaningful decision about the direction of our lives. The way "down" can lead to that kind of benign despair that characterizes the lives of many today. The way "up" to the One Who is "enthroned above the heavens" and the Source of true satisfaction. 

The Rolling Stones uncovered the truth of an enduring condition that we all must face and must "deal with." I am not so sure about the solution they would ultimately offer ... but in their initial intuition they proved to be very "Orthodox!"

I look forward to seeing many of you at the service so that the remembrance of God and thankfulness for the glorious gift of life can be further planted in our minds and hearts.

Reflections on 'National Selfie Day'

Dear Parish Faithful,

Selfie Culture: Sign of the Apocalypse?

Perhaps some of you are aware that today (June 21) is "National Selfie Day."  I just found out more-or-less accidentally. IMHO this is just a bit absurd, but perhaps indicative of  our society's pulse.  For that reason I am providing a meditation that is only about a year old, for those who may be interested in revisiting what I wrote then; or perhaps for those who have never read it, but who are interested in the theme.

Admittedly, this is just one Orthodox Christian interpretation of the whole phenomenon of the selfie, and by extension of the idea of the "self."  The selfie, I believe, is something of an unintended caricature of the search for the "self."  Not really the dark side of the self, but its superficial side.

I was just informed that there now exist "selfie accessories" that are becoming something of a "cottage industry."  There is now a "selfie stick" that one can mount one's camera on and hold about four feet away from one's "self" and thus get a more comprehensive shot! 

But actually, this can lead to a more serious discussion about our self-perception as human persons.  Who am I?  What am I?  What is the purpose of my existence? After all, one of the most famous sayings from Socrates was "Know thyself" (gnothe seauton); and the Church Fathers used those words to lead each human person to the search for God who is the eternal Source of the self. 

Be that as it may, I hope "National Selfie Day"  does not become a national holiday.

Finding our "Self" in the Other

(Originally posted April 1, 2015)

Dear Fathers, Parish Faithful & Friends in Christ,

What Is a "Selfie?"

As we approach the final days of Great Lent, I would like to turn my attention to a theme that surfaces often in my teaching and preaching in addition to my reflection and reading:  And that is the contemporary preoccupation and obsession with the "self."

From therapists to talk-show hosts and even  "spiritual teachers," we are enjoined to "discover," "get in touch with," or "enhance" our "self."  We now hear of popular personalities actually "re-inventing" themselves as they "move on" to a new phase of life and experience.  And perhaps the most indulgent of all of this self-expression is the phenomenon of the "selfie!"

In all of this, there seems to be an implicit understanding of just what this mysterious "self" actually is, because we refer to it so often and so readily.

But is there common ground as to what we mean by this term?  If we were to depend on more-or-less contemporary psychology, or the behavioral sciences, we might ask the following questions:

• Does the self mean our "personal identity" - what constitutes each one of us as an unique human being?  We distinguish each other by referring to "myself," "yourself," "himself/herself," and so on, thus concentrating on our individuality.  

• Perhaps it refers to our consciousness and ability to reflect upon our existence.   As in:  I know that I am alive and that one day I will die, therefore I have the capacity for "self-awareness." 

• Is the self simply synonomous with the "I" or "ego?"  

• Buddhism, on the other hand, rejects the very idea of the "self," calling it an illusion that is created by our constant desiring.  Perhaps, then, Buddhists are less self-absorbed than we are!  

Yet, since we do not agree with Buddhism on this crucial issue and accept the "self" as integral to being human, then as Christians we would ultimately claim that there is something meaningful indicated by the term, the self.  That is what we should be trying to discover.

However, as noted above, our contemporary preoccupation with the self borders on the obsessive and idolatrous.  Life is presented as a long and exciting journey of "self-discovery."  But is this in reality the ultimate "ego trip," leading to "self-delusion?"

Frankly, a great deal of today's talk about the self sounds terribly superficial.  It is a far cry from the Delphic oracle's ancient maxim - taken up by later philosophers:  "Know thyself!"

These are simply a few comments by way of preface to an insightful paragraph I came across while reading the book of a solid New Testament scholar, Ben Witherington III.  This author has uncovered a trend within certain writers today who transform theology (reality as God-centered) into anthropology (reality as human-centered).  In other words, in writing about God or Christ, they end up turning the whole quest into one more attempt at "self-discovery."

This is why such scholars are critical of the New Testament and attempt to bring some of the non-canonical Gospels into prominence.  These heretical and gnostic "Gospels" are essentially about discovering the "god within."  "Spirituality" is then really about "self-realization" if not "self-deification!"

In criticizing some of these modern spiritual quests that seem only remotely related to the Gospel centered in Christ, Witherington concluded with the following paragraph - simple, direct and to the point:

The problem with the advice "be yourself" or "be your own person" is that none of us are ourselves. We all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory, and we need the redemption Christ offers us, not another self-help program. We have fallen, and we can't get up on our own.

Self-help programs don't turn us into new creatures even if they can help us curb our addictions or become kinder, gentler folks.

Do we want to be ourselves as we are, or do we want to be something even better - to be like Christ and let Christ's life shine forth to others in such a way that they too will long to be like him?

We are not ourselves because we are fallen and sinful.  This is biblical.  A recognition of that fact may just serve as a good beginning to discover our "true self." And this is why Evagrios of Pontus, a desert ascetic, could write:  "The beginning of salvation is self-condemnation."   (You will not find a book in the "Self-Help" section on your local bookstore with this title!)  

This has nothing to do with an unhealthy "self-hatred." It means to recognize our sins and need for repentance freed from the useless refuge of "self-justification."  Whatever the self may be in relation to some of the suggestions I offered above as plausible possibilities, the real question becomes:  what is the foundation or ground of the self?  What guarantees its stability and continuity?  What prevents the self from being one more fleeting and ephemeral reality, so much "dust in the wind" that goes the way of our bodies?

If anything, it has to be God.

Either the self is grounded and stabilized in God, or it is grounded in "nothing."  We are either "God-sourced" or "nothing-sourced."  If the latter, then the self  is unstable and ever on the brink of disappearing into the void.

Perhaps all of the clamorous cries of "self-affirmation" that we hear today are an instinctive reaction or even rebellion against this inherent nihilism.  A godless quest of self-discovery leads to a dead-end encounter with our own nothingness!   Do atheistic therapists and secular counselors remind their clients of that cold fact?

That last statement needs to be qualified, so as to avoid any misunderstanding as to my intended meaning.

Undoubtedly, there exist many wonderful "self-help" groups and therapies that have been very effective in helping people overcome a wide range of aberrant behavioral problems, especially those plagued by addictions.  The most well-known has to be Alcoholics Anonymous, a therapy grounded in the Gospel that has rescued a countless number of men and women from alcoholism.  To this day, many people have recourse to such helpful societies in combatting their destructive behavior, and thus saving themselves from seemingly hopeless situations.

At the same time, a healthy "self-reliance" is cultivated and restored in persons who need such a change.  Many of these self-help groups acknowledge the existence of God and thus apply their respective therapies within a theistic context.  This adds a dimension of humility to the whole process.  However, it is not quite this phenomenon that I am dealing with here; but rather the empty promises, and even pseudo-theologies, that lead to any unhealthy preoccupation with the "self."

Something has to give between the contemporary obsession with the self that has generated an endless market for books, tapes, CDs, DVDs, seminars, programs, therapies, "self-help" gurus and the like; and the ever-demanding teaching of Our Lord:  "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself ... " (MK. 8:34).

This is not a Buddhist-like call to "self-transcendence" in search of enlightenment.  It is Christ's way of teaching us that to defensively, fearfully, or even idolatrously hold onto the "self" as some sort of autonomous entity will only culminate in the loss of our "life."  To deny such a self-centered way of existence for the sake of the Gospel is to actually "save" our life.

"Life" and "self" are very closely equated in this crucial passage.  Further, the word "life" is actually the word for "soul."  So biblically, we discover that the word "self" is basically synonymous with the word "soul/life."  Each and every one us is a "living soul," formed by the creative power of God and having received the "breath of life" that sustains us and lifts us up beyond the merely biological level of existence.

Employing our theological language further, we should also equate "self" with the person.  (The theological term is hypostasis).  Every living soul is a person - unique, unrepeatable and beloved of God.

As the three divine Persons of the Holy Trinity are never self-isolated, self-absorbed or self-centered, so we realize that that would be a false way of existing.  A genuine person is always turned toward another person in a movement of love and communion, as are the three Persons of the Trinity.  This gives us great insight into the teaching, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself"  (MK. 12:31).

"To be" is to be in communion, as one of our contemporary Orthodox theologians has explained.  If we could pour our energy into discovering the "wholly Other" - God, and the multiple others - the neighbor; then we would uncover our "true self" in the process.  Our Tradition tell us to find our "self" in the other - God and neighbor.

Being a living soul and/or a person, then, describes a mode of being, a way of life, that is as far removed from the thinly-veiled narcissism that passes today as "self-realization," as the "East is from the West!"

Orthodox Christianity affirms the self, but as dependent for its very existence upon the creative power of God and the redemptive grace of Christ.  Each and every one of us is created, sustained, and guided by God toward a destiny so glorious that it is essentially indescribable.  It is this humble acknowledgment of dependence on God that becomes the foundation of  that long process that will lead us from being "self-centered" to being "God-centered."

Perhaps we can go so far as to say:  we seek to be saved from our "self" in order to truly be ourselves in the embrace of God.   Today's world seems oblivious of this promise.

Fr. Steven