Nurturing Holiness - Elder Porphyrios on Raising Children

Dear Parish Faithful & Friends in Christ,

December 9 is the day of which we commemorate the Conception by Righteous St. Anna of the Theotokos. Through the procreative act of sexual intimacy given to us by God in order "to be fruitful and to multiply," Joachim and Anna "co-created," with God, the female child Mariam of Nazareth who would grow up to be the Theotokos. We strongly believe that she was a human person from the moment of conception. And she was conceived without any direct, divine intervention that would have made her an exception, rather than an example, of human holiness. Therefore, as Orthodox, we do not accept the Roman Catholic dogma of the Immaculate Conception, promulgated officially in 1854. This dogma claims that the "merits of Christ" were applied to Mary at the moment of her conception so that she could be freed from the "stain" (macula in Latin) of "original sin." Patience, nurturing and love were needed for her to "come to term" and into the light of life in order to fulfill her unique vocation. This feast sanctifies human, conjugal love as an expression of the love between two persons in direct fulfillment of the will of God for husbands and wives. Nine months later, on September 8, we then celebrate the Nativity of the Theotokos. Fr. Thomas Hopko writes the following about the relationship between these commemorative dates:

Mary's nativity is celebrated on September 8. A popular tradition among the Orthodox says that the nine-month period is purposely off by one day to illustrate the "mere humanity" of Mary, unlike the "divine humanity" of her Son, whose conception on the feast of the Annunciation is celebrated on March 25, exactly nine months before His Nativity. (The Winter Pascha, p. 41)

This feast brings to mind a fascinating passage that I would like to share with all of you. It comes from a certain Elder Porphyrios, in a book of his collected writings entitled Wounded By Love. In the chapter "On the Upbringing of Chlidren," there is an initial section with the heading, A child's upbringing commences at the moment of its conception. The elder writes the following:

A child's upbringing commences at the moment of conception. The embryo hears and feels in its mother's womb. Yes, it hears and it sees with its mother's eyes. It is aware of her movements and her emotions, even though its mind has not developed. If the mother's face darkens, it darkens, too. If the mother is irritated, then it becomes irritated also. Whatever the mother experiences - sorrow, pain, fear, anxiety, etc. - is also experienced by the embryo.

If the mother doesn't want the child, if she doesn't love it, then the embryo senses this and traumas are created in its little soul that accompany it all its life. The opposite occurs throuigh the mother's holy emotions. When she is filled with joy, peace and love for the embryo, she transmits these things to it mystically, just as it happens to children that have been born.

For this reason a mother must pray a lot during her pregnancy and love the child growing within her, caressing her abdomen, reading psalms, singing hymns and living a holy life. This is also for her own benefit. But she makes sacrifices for the sake of the embryo so that the child will become more holy and will acquire from the very outset holy foundations.

Do you see how delicate a matter it is for a woman to go through a pregnancy? Such a responsibility and such an honour! (Wounded By Love, p. 195)

This may sound a bit pious and sentimental. In fact, it may not all be subject to biological verification. It might not be a perfect fit with the scientific "facts of life." But that does not mean that it is not true in an intuitive and "spiritual" sense. The elder is touching upon the relationship that begins between a mother and her child from the "moment of conception." The mother is carrying a unique, unrepeatable human person within her womb - a child with an eternal destiny. At least from the moment that a mother's suspicion that she is pregnant is medically verified, her maternal instincts "kick in" with an ever-growing naturalness. There is now someone unknown and new to be loved! A new mother instinctively becomes more protective and careful about her activities, her diet, her work routine, etc. Again, this is no sentimental dismissal of the at times debilitating effects of pregnancy, experienced by mothers and witnessed to by fathers. "Morning sickness" is no picnic! There are times when a mother may strongly wish that she were not pregnant at all. As the elder said, there is irritation, sorrow, pain, fear, anxiety, etc. But this is endured and overcome by love for the sake of "responsibility and honour" conferred upon the mother. As Christ taught: "When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she is delivered of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child is born into the world." (JN. 16:21)

Come, let us dance in the Spirit! Let us sing worthy praises to Christ! Let us celebrate the joy of Joachim and Anna, The conception of the Mother of our God, For she is the fruit of the grace of God.
(Prefeast hymn of the Conception of the Theotokos)

The rest of the chapter in the elder's book contains sections entitled:

+ What saves and makes for good children is the life of the parents in the home
+ Over-protectiveness leaves children immature
+ A child needs to be surrounded by people who pray and pray ardently
+ With children what is required is a lot of prayer and few words
+ The sanctity of the parents is the best way of bringing up children in the Lord
+ With prayer and sanctity you can also help children at school
+ Teach the children to seek God's help
+ Children are not edified by constant praise

If anyone is interested further in the elder's teaching, I can provide a copy of this chapter for you.


Fr. Steven

+++

A very warm response from Alexis Callender to this meditation:

Good Morning Fr. Steven,

Father bless. I feel I should tell you that this is perhaps one of the most profound, if not the most accurate description of a mother and her responsibilities and duties. Motherhood is an honor and a gift to be cherished. God has blessed a woman to carry, nurture, raise, tend to and care for A LIFE. A mother (and father) are entrusted with His most precious gift…LIFE. This can never be taken for granted. I did not think that any portion of Elder Porphyrios’s writing or any portion of your meditation was sentimental or pious. In my humble opinion, it was accurate, on the mark and so beautiful that my heart welled up with tears of joy and thanksgiving. Some may consider my opinion biased because I am a woman and I am a mother; however, I truly in my heart believe the following: For anyone to feel indifferent, passive or desensitized regarding the matters of conception, birth, parenting, you have turned your back on God and His Holy Mother.

The Church’s teachings on raising children in Christ’s Holy Church, instilling the value of life, and constantly reminding them and teaching them that our bodies are a temple of the Lord so important in our parenting. As Orthodox Christians we must also remain deeply prayerful and very vigilant in our stance on promiscuity, abortion, and other perverse immoralities that damage and de-sanctify the gift of life.

Thank you for sending this beautiful meditation. I am especially grateful as today is Analisa’s name day.

I would be very interested in reading the chapter and other works of Elder Porphyrios.

In Christ,
Alexis

Patriarch Alexei II, In Memoriam

SPECIAL GUEST MEDITATION
by Archbishop Lazar of Canada

Today, the 25th Sunday after Pentecost, we celebrated a Pannikhida for a remarkable hierarch. The measure of the life of His Holiness Patriarch Alexei II is difficult to assess. During the Communist era he lead his Diocese and then his Archdiocese in a manner that he could truly say "by faith we passed through the red sea." The Russian people by the tens of thousands were willing to hazard and even to give up their lives for the name of Jesus Christ and His Gospel. It is doubtful that we Canadians would do the same. This is a people who have proved themselves in the fire and who deserve the respect and reverence of all.

For a hierarch serving in the Soviet era, maintaining the precarious balance between acceptance and destruction by the Soviet authorities took a heavy emotional and physical toll. On the one hand, the sincere desire to maintain and strengthen the faith, and on the other, the need to soothe the government so it would not destroy every church and imprison every priest, took an enormous amount of faith, courage, diplomacy, and the risk of freedom and life.

Following the collapse of the Soviet regime, the rebuilding task was staggering. How did one get the alienated, often half destroyed church property returned, and the sites of those churches that were in ruin? The military was still officered by generals and high ranking men and women who were products of the Soviet era, many of whom were members of the Communist Party. Formidable though it was, Patriarch Alexei, by patient but unyielding labour, and exquisite diplomacy, managed not only to rebuild churches and monasteries, but to re-institute military and hospital chaplaincies, often in the face of strong objections from the generals and admirals. He led in the restoration of prison ministries, the opening of orphanages and alms-houses supported and operated by the Orthodox Church. Seminaries were rebuilt and flooded with students, monasteries, the very heart of Orthodoxy in every nation, were rebuilt, lands returned, and the monasteries have once again become centres of charity outreach.

One must acknowledge all those, both clergy and laity, who participated in all this great spiritual rebirth, but we must especially reverence His Holiness. During the Soviet era, he placed himself in the breach and became a moral martyr in balancing the compromises necessary for the physical survival of the Church with both pastoral care for his flock and loyalty to the Gospel. As Patriarch, he was under even more heavy a burden, and after the fall of Communism, he gave the last of his strength and life to the rebuilding and rebirth of the faith in Russia.

It is a tribute the him, and to the Russian people who have come to Canada and blessed our homeland with the presence of those who have confessed the faith in the face of persecution, prison and at the risk of death for the sake of the Gospel, that we serve a Russian Liturgy in the Monastery once a month. Many of the Russians who are here for the Liturgy on that day saw their fathers, mothers, grandparents, brothers, sisters and other relatives, martyred for the faith, and stood ready to follow in their footsteps. How could we not reverence such people? At the head of all, stood His Holiness, Alexei II, Patriarch and confessor of Moscow and All-Russia.

Glory and honour to him both in this age and in the age to come. Let his memory be from generation to generation.

Archbishop Lazar and synodia.


Further coverage of the repose of His Holiness Patriarch Alexei II can be found on the OCA website:
http://www.oca.org/news/1712
http://www.oca.org

The St Nicholas Day Pageant - A Living Tradition!

Dear Parish Faithful and Friends in Christ,

Once again, the parish was treated to a wonderful St. Nicholas Day Program yesterday following the Liturgy. Our students performed a play of narration entitled "The Jesse Tree," written by Phylis Meshel Onest. The narration, based upon scriptural texts, took us through the account of salvation history culminating with the advent of the Son of God in the flesh. Our director was Karen Krueger and the beautiful Jesse tree was created by Anna Gerasimchuk. It was easy to tell that our children worked hard at being prepared, because many had their parts memorized, and others read very smoothly and clearly. The students clearly enjoy these annual plays and commit themselves to a quality performance. Their teachers must inspire them. The younger children were very orderly and patient awaiting their turn to come forward. The plays have become such an established tradition of our parish life, that they have become events to look forward to once a year in honor of St. Nicholas and in preparation for Christ's Nativity.

Our Charity Dinner, sponsored by and served by our High School students was a tasty lenten meal. Donations received just about reached $500.00, at least by unofficial count. This money will be handed over to a designated charity chosen by our high school students. The high school students thank everyone for their generous donation.

Finally, to crown the day, we were visited by St. Nicholas who, true to his warm character, brought small bags of gifts for each and every child. The three "gold," yet edible, coins in each bag were reminiscent of the event in the saint's life when he spared the three young daughters of a poor man lives of drudgery and enslavement, by anonymously tossing three bags of gold coins through their window on three consecutive nights. This provided them the necessary dowrys to marry well in their town. Some of the children were puzzled by the rather glaring discrepancy between the wavy brown hair of St. Nicholas in the back and his long and very grey beard in front. When I pointed out the fact that my own beard is pretty gray but that my hair is not, the mystery remained unresolved.

All in all, a wonderful event for our parish family following the glory of the Liturgy as we prepare for the Feast of the Incarnation.

Fr. Steven

Is Santa Claus Real?

Dear Parents,


If your children "believe" in Santa Claus, and/or if you promote that belief as a family tradition, it would be risky to send one of them up to me with the question: "Is Santa real?" (That has happened in the past). I would not answer back "Yes." At least not an unqualified "yes." Adapting myself to the age of my interlocutor, I would probably say something like: St. Nicholas exists, and the name Santa Claus is derived from the saint's name. The "real" St. Nicholas lived a long time ago (4th c.), and he was an Orthodox bishop who was loved by his flock. He was especially loved by children, because he was so attentive to them and was very charitable to poor children, making sure that they also had a nice toy as the wealthier children had. In fact, our Christmas gift-giving is probably even more derived from the many stories of St. Nicholas' generosity as it is from the magi bringing gifts to Christ. Throughout Europe, the feast day of St. Nicholas on December 6 was always a day of bringing gifts to children. (To this day, we always come up with a family gift for December 6 in memory of St. Nicholas). Our image of Santa Claus is based to a great extent on the poem from the 1820's "The Night Before Christmas." As jolly as he may be, he is something of a caricature of the "real" St. Nicholas, who was a theologian and an ascetic.

If I were asked if Santa Claus came down everyone's chimney with a bundle of gifts to be placed under the Christmas tree, I don't think that I would honestly be able to say "yes," regardless of how imploring the eyes before me were with an eagerness to believe. That is not because, like Scrooge, I say "humbug" to Christmas. Far from it! It is a wonderful season of the year, with the potential for great joy and "domestic bliss" (that just might be pushing it a bit). I would say something like I am sure that St. Nicholas puts into the hearts of mothers and fathers a desire to bring joy to their children with gifts, and in that sense St. Nicholas is the source of the gifts. I aim for not blurring the reality between what we believe to be actually true and the realm of fantasy.

My "theory" is that Santa Claus gains in importance the less Christ-centered a family is. He "fills a gap," so to speak, for a child's sense of wonder and need for the miraculous. If there is no Christ Child born of a Virgin with powerful angels filling the heavens with praise, then something else must take the place of that awesome event. A purely secular Christmas for a child devoid of the otherworldly mystery of the nativity of Christ sounds rather dreary. So, again, Santa gains in attention when Christ is marginalized or absent. (The same holds true for the "tooth fairy," a being that fills in if the children are not taught about the existence of angels, which we insist are quite real).

My "issue" with Santa Claus is that he favors children who already have a great deal, if you get my point. The children who have much, seem to get yet more from Santa than the children who have little. If we could somehow plant into the minds and hearts of our children a real concern for the poor children of the world, and that it is more important that they receive some kind of gift to relieve their misery, then we would be accomplishing something significant. That is not a message for a toddler or small child, but something our children could grow into as they mature.

A way toward that is letting your children know that we have an annual Nativity Charity Appeal in which we support poor people in other parts of the world. Older children could bring a dollar (do allowances still exist?) to put in the basket. Encourage them to carry your contributions to the Nativity food drive, or if they go shopping with you, let them pick the item off of the shelf. I know that most of you are already doing this, so I am only reinforcing these small, but significant gestures.

My point is not to influence anyone about Santa Claus one way or another. But I do want to make the point that other perspectives do exist. And I hope that everyone makes a point of becoming more familiar with the "real" St. Nicholas and his wonderful and saintly life. I hope that everyone does experience that elusive "domestic bliss" when the Feast of our Savior's Nativity arrives. Yet, it is important that we do not become self-absorbed and forget the great need that surrounds us. If we did, we would not properly understand the "reason for the season" - and who Christ is.

Any comments or questions would be welcomed.

In Christ,

Fr. Steven

Picking Up Where We Left Off

Dear Parish Faithful,

For those who were travelling over the weekend, I hope that you are all back safe and sound and that your Thanksgiving weekend went well with relatives and friends. It is a blessing, indeed, to be able to consciously give thanks to God for our very lives and our salvation; together with the many blessings that we have in life, beginning with our families. And we thank God for the "family" of our parish, which gives us a deep sense of community and sharing together in the life in Christ.

The task now at hand, though, is to pick up where we may have left off concerning the Nativity Fast and our preparation for the Feast. Never more than now are we bombarded with every conceivable distraction, well-packaged in tinsel and warm fuzzy feelings, than these last three weeks before Christmas. Therefore, we need to be selective and manifest some spiritual "good taste" - one way of defining the gift of discernment. We want to enjoy the season, and desire the same for our children, but we do not want to lose our identity as Orthodox Christians in the process. Prayer, fasting and charity need to define us more than consumerism and a "shop-till-I-drop" approach to the season. Allow the Church to guide your life more than the shopping mall. The droning of piped-in-carols is superficial compared to the hymns of the Church. "Party" after we arrive at the Feast, not before. Reserve some energy for the festal season that marks the twelve days between Nativity and Theophany, rather than expend it all on the "x amount of days of shopping before Christmas." Budget charity into your spending, thus expanding your gift-giving in order to embrace the needy.

A good place to begin would be this coming Friday evening, when we commemorate our beloved St. Nicholas with a Vesperal Liturgy beginning at 6:00 p.m. Mark that on your calendar and make a point of being present. I hope to see many families and children at the service, since there is no school on Saturday. St. Nicholas prays for your children in heaven - not his later caricature, Santa Claus.

And again remember that our St. Nicholas Day Program and Charity Dinner are scheduled for this Sunday.

Fr. Steven