Apostles Fast Meditation

The whole person that I am is indeed a sinner. My innermost, God-given beauty only barely shines through, distorted as I am by my enslavement to passions, to my will, and my need for gratification.

Only in giving myself over to God can I hope to attain my freedom. Only then will my inner self shine. Only then will I be fully alive to the Glory of God. Then, too, I will know this “self” that I must care for diligently, with love and appropriate discipline.

—Dr. Peter Bouteneff, How to Be a Sinner

Apostles Fast Meditation

In order to be able to see anything, the eye needs light. In order to see truths about God, ourselves, the world, we require light of another kind. The “enlightenment” of our minds depends on God. As the 20th-century monastic elder Sophrony tells us, “To apprehend sin in oneself is a spiritual act, impossible without grace, without the drawing near to us of divine Light. …”

Divine Light and the insight that it brings is a matter of gift; it is grace. My access to it doesn’t depend entirely on me. I can’t will it into existence. For that matter, I can’t save myself, I can’t have faith purely out of my own intellectual acumen. I can’t become virtuous purely out of my own willpower; I can’t come to a right understanding of myself and my sinfulness on my own. God grants these gifts.

I have to seek divine Light, and cooperate with it. I have to earnestly desire it. I have to pray about it and pray for it.

—Dr. Peter Bouteneff, How to Be a Sinner

Apostles Fast Meditation

 A healthy approach to yourself as sinner depends upon knowing something of God’s mercy. Without faith and trust in God—as merciful and loving beyond measure—our self-condemnation would be impossible to bear. It would be self-destructive. And there is no clearer portrait of God than the crucified Christ, who has voluntarily surrendered everything for us. The cross—the limitless self-giving, voluntary co-suffering that it represents, the extent of love and mercy that it conveys—reveals to us what it is to be God.

—Dr. Peter Bouteneff, How to Be a Sinner

Lenten Meditation -- Third Friday of Great Lent

 

“I am the foremost of sinners” [1 Tim. 1:15]. 

How can I make sense of this statement as I strive to make it my own? … Surely, there are worse sinners than me. …

To the best of my knowledge, it is actually true. I can’t fully know the misdeeds, circumstances, external strictures, inner struggles, or repentance of other people. It is not mine to analyze other people’s shortcomings or their motivations. Doing so will not benefit me. … I have access to and control over only myself. 

—Peter Bouteneff, How to Be a Sinner

Nativity Meditation from SVOTS

So “sinner” is not a trap but a surrender and therefore—paradoxically—a liberation. It admits brokenness and yields power to God. It signals membership in a community that is the Body of Christ even as it is also constantly becoming the Body through healing faults, mending brokenness, and restoring the divine image.

The community comprises broken persons who know that their wholeness rests entirely in Christ and depends entirely on God.

+ Dr. Peter Bouteneff: How to Be a Sinner

Meditation for the Apostles Fast - June 16, 2025

 

Today is the beginning of the Apostles Fast. The length of this particular fast is ultimately determined by the date of Pascha, because this fast always begins eight days after Pentecost, the date of which is dependent on the date of Pascha for a given year. This year we are entering into a two-week fast that will culminate with the Feast of the Apostles Peter & Paul on Sunday, June 29. 

An Orthodox fast is basically vegan in its dietary discipline. There are exceptions, so please look at the Church calendar. This is a rather neglected fast, but it is my role to inform you of the fast, and your role to make some decisions about how you will observe the fast on some level.

In addition, I have "signed us up" to receive a meditation on a daily basis for the course of the Fast. This series of meditations is sponsored by St. Vladimir's Orthodox seminary. We begin with the following from Dr. Peter Bouteneff:

Beginning of the Apostles’ Fast

A healthy approach to yourself as sinner depends upon knowing something of God’s mercy. Without faith and trust in God—as merciful and loving beyond measure—our self-condemnation would be impossible to bear. It would be self-destructive. And there is no clearer portrait of God than the crucified Christ, who has voluntarily surrendered everything for us. The cross—the limitless self-giving, voluntary co-suffering that it represents, the extent of love and mercy that it conveys—reveals to us what it is to be God.

—Dr. Peter Bouteneff, How to Be a Sinner