Friday, October 17, 2008

The Satanic Beatitudes

Dear Parish Faithful & Friends in Christ,

Here is something a bit different than what I usually offer, but filled with some obvious insights that we ignore at our peril ... The attached attribution to the following reads like this:

originally submitted in another list by
V. Rev. Archmandrite Maximos
Epitropia of the Holy Sepulcher
Jerusalem Patriarchate

If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend a few hours a week with their fellow
Christians in worship - they are my best workers.

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the priest's mannerisms and mistakes - for they get nothing out of his

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is part of the problem
instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever.

12. Blessed are you who, when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself - I've got you too.


The above is basically about apathy and pettiness - two common human weaknesses that can still keep one very far away from God!

Fr. Steven

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